Raw Review, 4/30

Oh great, they’re in Canada tonight. Corey refers to them as a “ravenous portion of the WWE Universe”, AKA shitheads. Why bother sending Roman and Jinder as the first two guys out to talk? They had to know nobody in this crowd would even listen to their promos and just shit all over them. HEY LOOK AT US BOO LOUDER THAN EVERYONE ELSE! WE’RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN OTHER FANS! Even Braun got shit for coming down to help Roman. It’s gonna be a long and obnoxious show, especially when that six-man tag team match happens.

ELIAS VS. BOBBY ROODE
This was a really good match. Too bad the crowd didn’t realize it, as the morons were busy chanting “fight Owens fight.” The match told a good story, as it focused on the injury to Roode’s throat. They got a lot of time to work and did a good job with it.

AUTHORS OF PAIN VS. JEAN-PAUL & FRANCOIS
That was quick, and also enjoyable. Who does AOP have their first major feud with?

God dammit Seth, stop encouraging them. He calls them maniacs, so they break into a fucking “Ole” chant, and then CHEER THEMSELVES?! Go fuck yourselves Montreal. OH MY GOD SETH SAID MERCI! OH MY GOD I CAN’T BREATH! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Fuck this. I really like the interactions between Seth and Finn, and Finn giving Seth the reminder that he still wants that IC title match. I wonder if one of them will turn heel. Seth has had a big heel run and it made him an even bigger face, so I think if one of them would turn, it would be Balor.

RUBY RIOTT VS. SASHA BANKS
It seemed like the timing of the moves was just a little bit off early on in this match, but eventually they got a good flow going. It didn’t make any sense for Sarah Logan to go after Sasha with the referee looking right at her. There’s three of them out there, why didn’t Ruby or Liv distract the referee first? It’s little things like these that make a big difference in generating heel heat. It generates a lot more heat if they get away with cheating than if they just attack and get their teammate disqualified. These two fight in the corner a lot. That backwards senton by Ruby was awesome. After I wrote about distracting the ref, the Riott Squad proves my point by getting roundly booed as Sarah distracts the ref while Liv helps Ruby out of the Banks Statement, and ultimately their numbers advantage leads to a win. Great match.

I don’t know how I feel about these “Moment of Bliss” segments, they seem too entertaining for a heel.

JINDER MAHAL, SAMI ZAYN, & KEVIN OWENS VS. ROMAN REIGNS, BOBBY LASHLEY, & BRAUN STROWMAN
How about instead of focusing on how loud you can boo, you appreciate the fact you have Roman Reigns, Bobby Lashley, and Braun Strowman on one team. Even if they’re the heels because they’re basically fighting Team Canada here, it’s still a tag team people probably never imagined. But no, “WE MUST MAKE IT ABOUT US! BOO HARDER! OUI! OUI! OUI!” They’d rather boo Roman than cheer KO or Sami. Then the idiots who boo him count along with his clotheslines on Sami?? Have I made it clear how I feel about Canadian wrestling fans? Also, why in these multiple man tag matches does nobody tag in Braun Strowman until they are desperate?? There’s no logic in that. I get that you want the big pop when he finally gets into the match, but it makes zero sense. Strowman’s shoulder blocks are beautiful. Thrilled to see Strowman pin KO.

BARON CORBIN VS. NO WAY JOSE
Baron is great on the mic. As I feared they would, they’re probably now gonna force Titus’ fall into every entrance. You take something that was a huge moment because it was not planned and now try to plan it every time. It’ll be ruined in a week. They did it with J.T. Smith in ECW, after he horribly botched a suicide dive, he started botching his moves and falling in every match. It was terrible.

MICKIE JAMES W/ ALEXA BLISS VS. NATALYA W/ RONDA ROUSEY
They barely showed the match or how it ended as they showed Rousey chasing Alexa around the ring, so I have no idea if this was a good match.

FINN BALOR VS. SETH ROLLINS FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE
I never get tired of their matches. Balor takes on a little bit of the heel role tonight. What more can be said about these guys that I haven’t already said about their other matches. Incredibly entertaining. I was kind of surprised to see Rollins get a clean win, I thought we might see Axel and Dallas attack.

Goodnight, and fuck Montreal.

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