Raw Review, 6/4

OPENING SEGMENT: ELIAS & SETH ROLLINS

It still bothers the piss out of me that every segment with Elias has the crowd booing him, screaming his catchphrase, then back to booing. I’m pretty sure steel chair beats guitar every time. It looks like we’ll have a tag match. Great trolling as usual by Elias, nice sneak attack by Jinder to get more heat, and a huge pop for Roman making the save, even if it was followed by the normal boos.

Segment Rating: Six This Is Your Lifes

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ELIAS & JINDER MAHAL VS. SETH ROLLINS & ROMAN REIGNS

I enjoy the gamesmanship at the start of the match, just to add something to the match. I’m all for adding some additional storytelling. I also realized how pointless it is to have three announcers and how utterly replaceable Coach is because it took me until the middle of this match to realize that it was Otunga on commentary. Sunil Singh once again does a good job in his role as an agitator and a disruption. Just the way Jinder wrestles make me hate him. That’s the mark of a really good heel. In an age where even heels have to get their stuff in, he wrestles a classic heel style. There are people who will argue that he just sucks as a wrestler, but I don’t believe he would be in WWE if that’s all he could do. I’m sure he could hit some cool moves if he needed to, but he doesn’t need to, and WWE doesn’t need him to. They need him to do exactly what he’s doing to continue to get the heat that he’s been getting. I found it interesting that Roman’s hot tag got a better reaction than Seth’s. The falcon arrow is an awesome looking move. I prefer to use a falcon punch. I had no idea until now that the curb stomp is now just knows as the stomp. The stomp? Really? What kind of sorry shit is that? They couldn’t come up with something better? At least when they renamed the FU they called it the attitude adjustment. At least they tried. Go back to calling it the blackout! Anything but the stomp. The heels go over tonight, and it makes sense to have Elias pin Seth going into their PPV match. Rollins should definitely win that one but having Elias pin him now gives Elias bragging rights for the next two weeks and puts it in the fans’ minds that Seth could lose. The storytelling was good, the match was average.

Match Rating: Five Gold Medals

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HOLY SHIT, CURT HAWKINS!

Curt Hawkins goes for his 200th straight loss against… James Harden. And if Hawkins win, everyone gets a free taco. Baron Corbin decided enough of this shit and got Hawkins disqualified, costing Hawkins the match and costing the fans tacos. I don’t think there is any better way to get heel heat than making sure that NOBODY gets tacos. I don’t even like tacos, and even I know that was fucked up. This was excellent and extremely entertaining.

This qualifies more as a segment than a match.

Segment Rating: Ten This Is Your Lifes

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Baron is the latest wrestler to go over Kurt’s head to Steph, and is now the constable of raw. I hope it means more stuff like the last segment.

 

NATALYA VS. NIA JAX W/RONDA ROUSEY ON COMMENTARY

“Ripe for the picking is something only my husband calls me.” Ronda might not be asked to do commentary anymore. Then she said it again, so maybe I’m wrong. I like that she’s explaining how and why she can beat Nia because of her Judo background. The match was just ok, the whole thing was a way to get Nia and Ronda in the ring together without putting Ronda in a match. Nothing really happened and I don’t understand the point here because all it did was get the crowd to go OOOOO when Nia lightly pushed Ronda in the back.

Match Rating: Two Gold Medals

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BOBBY ROODE VS. BRAUN STROWMAN

14 states are considering a Braun Strowman prostate exam as the preferred method of execution. I can’t wait to see Strowman destroy Roode. Finally a Roode match I can enjoy. Smart wrestling by Roode going how and hitting kicks, until he stupidly tries to hit the Glorious DDT. No shot. It was a genius move by Roode to set up the ladder outside… until Strowman broke it in half with his bare hands. Holy shit. I think Roode shit his pants. The match as a whole was not good, but just for the showcase of strength:

Match Rating: Seven Gold Medals

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The Nia Jax and Ronda Rousey feud is getting weird.

Corey and Cole bickering over the woken universe is hilarious.

 

NUMBER ONE CONTENDER TAG TEAM BATTLE ROYAL

Looks like they fucked up the timing of the ring announcer and the start of the match. Smooth. Battle royals are a mess until it gets down to the last few wrestlers. McIntyre goes nuts after Ziggler gets eliminated, he and Ziggler take out the rest of the field before they leave. The Revival look especially good in this match, and hopefully the commentary team building them up means as much as it did back in the 80’s and 90’s, that they’re on the brink of a push. Not yet though, as Slater and Rhyno take them out. Down to the B Team and Slater and Rhyno it’s easy to see the B Team is going to win given their recent push and heel status. A screw up by Slater as he knocks Rhyno off the apron with Bo’s feet. I would have liked this match to be a bit more serious, but as I think more about it, how serious are the Deleters of Worlds, and how serious are the B Team? Fun match, and we’ll see Bo and Bray in the ring together.

Match Rating: Seven Gold Medals

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IN-RING SEGMENT: BOBBY LASHLEY & SAMI ZAYN

This feud has been awful. Sami had some entertaining lines tonight but for the most part the whole thing was terrible. “If that is even your real name.” WHO WRITES THIS SHIT? Bobby crying about his reputation, Sami saying his life is a lie, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? This was one of the worst promo segments in a long time.

Segment Rating: Ten Katie Vicks

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I love that Sunil Singh is basically a prop. Jinder’s signature move has become throwing him at Roman Reigns.

 

ALEXA BLISS, SASHA BANKS, & EMBER MOON VS. THE RIOTT SQUAD

I was wondering why Bliss was on the face team and my question was answered rather quickly as she weaseled her way out of the match with a fake knee injury. Sarah Logan is such an angry and aggressive wrestler, I really enjoy her style. When will heel wrestlers learn that when the face gets tagged in, don’t run right at them without an attack plan, you’re just going to get clotheslined. And certainly don’t get up and do it again. And again. Great job by the Riott Squad using their numbers advantage to take out Ember Moon and isolate Sasha. They’ve become an excellent team, especially with the improvements shown by Logan and Morgan both in the wrestling and promo department. Bayley comes down to save the day and replace Alexa, gets tagged in, and pins Sarah Logan in about 15 seconds. Bad ass. Huge pop for Bayley. Very good match.

Match Rating: Seven Gold Medals

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Backstage, Constable Baron tells Kurt to negate the win because of Bayley inserting herself into the match or he will tell Stephanie. I really have no idea where this is going, they already had a match with Kurt, Steph, and HHH at mania, so what’s the payoff here? He can’t just keep getting neutered by her every week.

Cool moment with Big Show returning to bring out Texas’ Special Olympics team, and they all get to meet Finn Balor and be part of his entrance.

It’s announced that the four Raw entrants in the women’s money in the bank match will have a fatal four way match next week, as will the men. So that means there will be four one-on-one matches. Maybe not, because the women usually deliver in these.

 

FINN BALOR VS. KEVIN OWENS

This match was boring as hell with an awful finish. What a horrible main event. That would have been a terrible opening match. I’d rather re-watch Harvey Whippleman and Mean Gene’s tuxedo match.

Match Rating: Zero.

The 5 minutes after the match were 1,000 times more exciting than the 15 minutes during the match. I don’t know how Finn doesn’t break his ankles doing that move.

 

Overall Show Rating: Five Gold Medals

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