SmackDown Review 6/12

OPENING SEGMENT: MONEY IN THE BANK SUMMIT (?)

Lana’s accent is gone tonight, so I’m sure it’ll be back next week. At least all the MITB competitors aren’t perched on ladders like on Raw. God damn that was stupid. Interestingly, three of the four SmackDown female MITB competitors are faces, and you could even argue that Lana is a face as well with the cheers she gets now. The Iconics come out, pretty much ensuring there’s going to be an eight-woman tag team match tonight, the four in the ring vs. The Iconics, Sonya DeVille, and Mandy Rose. The Iconics do their awful impressions to garner some heat. And on cue, here come DeVille and Rose. Just call me Teddy Long playa. Looks like Lana IS a face, at least tonight. It’s sad to admit that the best mic work of this whole segment came from Billie and Peyton.

Segment Rating: Four This Is Your Lifes

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GORILLA FIGHTERS: Son of a Kurt

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Welcome to Gorilla Fighters, a feature where I profile some of the lesser-known entities of WWE and NXT. Not so much lesser-known as in terribly obscure or superstars who barely wrestle, but people that though we see them on TV and have become a little familiar with them, we really don’t know that much about. We pretty much know the life stories of guys like John Cena, Randy Orton, Kane, Undertaker, Triple H… they’ve been around for decades and have been profiled and had their stories told to us by JR, King, JBL, Michael Cole, and countless backstage interviewers. In this feature, I’ll try to research the same information about wrestlers that I find highly interesting and want to know more about, and I’ll definitely take suggestions on who to feature in these posts. I’ll also discuss each wrestler’s potential, where they are now, and where I hope they’ll end up.

Today we look at a former amateur wrestler, aspiring dentist, supposed biracial son of the patriarch of this blog, and public enemy number two in WWE, Jason Jordan.

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Raw Review 6/11

OPENING SEGMENT

It looks dumb to have all of the Raw MITB participants on ladders in the ring. Yes, we get it, there’s going to be ladder matches. Having ladders strewn about the Raw and SmackDown stages for the past month and a half is enough to get the point across. Kurt calls it the most grueling match in WWE history. I guess they forgot about TLC, Hell in a Cell, Elimination Chamber, Punjabi Prison, Iron Man matches, Street Fights, Boiler Room Brawls, etc. Baron shaved his head. Weird. This is really obnoxious having all the wrestlers give promos on ladders. Really, this was terrible and accomplished absolutely nothing.

Segment Rating: Eight Katie Vicks

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REVIEW: This Tuesday in Texas

REVIEW: This Tuesday in Texas

December 3rd, 1991

 Here we are in very late 1991, at a total curiosity of a show for the World Wrestling Federation. This show was a weekday PPV, a test by WWF to see how the market reacted to a non-weekend, non-Survivor Series Pay Per View— the answer was “not well” — and we wouldn’t see the promotion attempt it again until the mid-2000s. It takes place about a week after the 1991 edition of Survivor Series, where The Undertaker, with the help of Ric Flair, defeated Hulk Hogan for the WWF Title.

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RETURN RUMOR (UPDATE: It’s not happening) (UPDATE: It might be happening!)

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There’s reports that James Ellworth will return at Money in the Bank and interfere in the Asuka vs. Carmella championship match. That could be a way to give Asuka the win while keeping the title on Carmella, which would make sense. One has to wonder if he’d also interfere in the women’s ladder match for the second year in a row. I can’t see that happening again, but anything can happen. I’m happy about this, I’ve really felt like there’s been a chinless turtle-sized hole in the roster.

 

UPDATED 6/12:

Ellsworth will be in China on Sunday. That’s upsetting.

 

UPDATED 6/14:

Ellsworth has cancelled his China trip. CHINLESS TURTLE SIGHTING!

NXT Review, 6/6

OPENING SEGMENT: SHAYNA BASZLER & NIKKI CROSS

Shayna threatens Nikki Cross. Nikki comes out. I get wet. Shayna threatens her again and bounces the microphone off her tits. Then it gets PHYSICAL. OH HELL YEAH! Nikki stomps a mudhole in Shayna. MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE. I’ve wanted this feud so badly. I can’t wait to see the match in Chicago.

Segment Rating: Seven Gold Medals

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205 Live Review, 6/5

LINCE DORADO W/ LUCHA HOUSE PARTY VS. THE BRIAN KENDRICK W/DREW GULAK ON COMMENTARY

This is a really good back-and-forth match with the pace changing depending which wrestler is in control. I’ve really enjoyed how each week Gulak, Kendrick, and Gallagher have wrestled with the members of Lucha House Party because of the way the styles mesh, the submission and striking specialist heels vs. the quick high-flying faces. It’s a lot of the same type of match each week, but it’s really enjoyable and I’m glad they keep doing it for now. I’m sure it’ll run its course eventually but at the moment it’s a formula that works. I though Lince Dorado jumped too far on his suicide dive and was gonna break his neck on the announce table. Gulak and the other members of Lucha House Party start to jaw at each other before Dorado hits a kind of springboard stunner for the win. Gulak attacks all the luchadors, and stomps “Lindsey Dorito” following his win.

Match Rating: Six Gold Medals

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TJP VS. BRIAN KEITH

They keep matching TJP up with jobbers to get him more frustrated with his lack of opportunities. It’s a smart tactic to get him angrier and get him more and more heat for humiliating local wrestlers. This time he impressively does it while cutting a promo, and continues to threaten to go to NXT, Raw, or SmackDown if he doesn’t get better opportunities. TJP got his message across effectively and the squash match and promo succeeded in progressing his story.

Match/Promo Rating: Seven Gold Medals

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Holy shit, Lio Rush is coming to 205 Live! I hadn’t seen him wrestle before NXT, and when I did see him wrestle I was blown away. I love this.

It’s announced that Lucha House Party will take on Gulak, Gallagher, and Kendrick next week. Bring it on.

 

MUSTAFA ALI VS. BUDDY MURPHY

The early part of the match stresses Murphy’s strength, the announcers play it up and Murphy no-sells Ali’s chops. Ali recovers from Murphy’s attacks and his a really cool-looking corkscrew suicide dive. He’s ridiculously athletic and exciting. Murphy innovates some kind of rib-breaker from the top rope where he falls to the mat and and Ali bounces off the top rope. I’m certain I’ve never seen it before. As he did in their last match, Murphy smartly continues to attack the ribs and slow Ali down. I thought Murphy broke his damn neck when Ali hit that revere hurracanrana. God damn. That couldn’t have been the right way to land. Ali hits a few kicks. You guys know I love my kicks. Ali hits a springboard crossbody splash with Murphy elevated off the mat, that looked fucking awesome. Ali then gets in a striking contest with Murphy, of which he surprisingly comes out on the better end. These guys are so damn quick. Murphy hit a pop-up knee to the jaw as these guys continue to kick, knee, punch, and elbow each other in the face. Ali then hits an X-Factor on the ring apron. I’m seeing lots of stuff tonight that I haven’t seen before. Murphy is hitting moves that… I don’t even know what they are, but they look awesome. Then HOLY SHIT, with Murphy on the floor, Ali jumped from the top rope and hit a DDT. Then HIDEO ITAMI interferes, likely thrusting himself into the main event picture, and taking out both guys. I love this. This match was incredible, and now Itami is finally going to be high up on the card. I expect him to be the next Cruiserweight Champion.

Match Rating: Ten Gold Medals

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Overall Show Rating: Nine Gold Medals

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SmackDown Review, 6/5

Sorry this is later than usual, I had important sleep and baseball to attend to, so hopefully the Hulu version doesn’t leave out anything significant.

 

OPENING SEGMENT

Carmella had one of the best promos I can remember in a long time. It felt very Attitude Era-like in the style and presentation. Asuka should have started choking out Carmella immediately. I dig that Asuka is gonna take on Mandy Rose and Sonya DeVille. I can’t get over how tremendous Carmella is as a heel. She’s so over, she’s great as champion, and she has some of the best promos in the business.

Segment rating: Eight This Is Your Lifes

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Raw Review, 6/4

OPENING SEGMENT: ELIAS & SETH ROLLINS

It still bothers the piss out of me that every segment with Elias has the crowd booing him, screaming his catchphrase, then back to booing. I’m pretty sure steel chair beats guitar every time. It looks like we’ll have a tag match. Great trolling as usual by Elias, nice sneak attack by Jinder to get more heat, and a huge pop for Roman making the save, even if it was followed by the normal boos.

Segment Rating: Six This Is Your Lifes

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