BAYLEY VS. RUBY RIOTT
Bayley is extremely athletic and is a solid technical wrestler. Ruby is also awesomely athletic and has a more exotic offensive attack. It makes for a nice clash of styles and a really good match. Bayley hit that pretty cool springboard cross body, not something we normally see from her. The Riott Squad did their job and used their numbers to pull out a win for Ruby. I thought and hoped Sasha would be more involved but all we got was more annoying bickering between her and Bayley. DO SOMETHING WITH THE DAMN STORY!
Rating: 6 Gold Medals

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: THE MIZ VS. SETH ROLLINS
Rollins got LAUNCHED off the turnbuckle. That looked awful. Miz does his normal heel wrestling, using a lot of rest holds to set up Rollins’ comebacks and bring the crowd to life. Seth is excellent at selling. Not being a high-flyer, Miz is really good at grounding Rollins and keeping the match mostly as his pace. He uses effective counters whenever Rollins gets some momentum, very similar to how Drew Gulak wrestles against the luchadors and high-flyers on 205 Live. Miz does things like tossing Rollins off the turnbuckle, pulling him off the apron and hitting his face, and blocking his suicide dive with a forearm to the face. A critical moment was when Miz dodged Rollins’ knee attempt on the apron so that Rollins’ knee smashed into the ring post, and Miz immediately put him in the figure four. Each man reversed the figure four once with the crowd going crazy. They smartly continue to sell Rollins’ knee injury, I’ve often mentioned in this blog how guys don’t continue to sell injured body parts as matches go on. Miz continues to attack it and Rollins continues to limp and have his knee give out. Rollins kicking out of two Skull Crushing Finales and wrestling with one good knee gives a narrative that they are pushing his heart, determination, and toughness going forward. That match was one of the best told stories from start to finish that I’ve ever seen.
Rating: 9 Gold Medals

RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP: ALEXA BLISS VS. NIA JAX
I certainly do not envy Alexa Bliss’ job, getting smushed into the corners by Nia and getting ragdolled. She got in a lot more offense that I think she should have. Alexa’s attacks should not hurt Nia that much. Someone that size should be able to withstand Alexa’s strikes and slaps. Their Wrestlemania match had a lot more flow and seemed a lot more logical in how it was done. You can’t make everything a squash with Nia, but Alexa’s offense in this match was just not very believable for the most part. Alexa dumping her from the second turnbuckle to the outside is something that made a lot more sense and could have been done earlier on to injure Nia and make it more believable that Alexa would get a lot of offense in. Same with kicking her off the turnbuckle. As the match went on, Alexa’s attacks got more logical. Great catch by Nia on the Twisted Bliss attempt, and she was smart enough to not climb the ropes again after getting hurt twice, and laid Alexa out with a Samoan drop for the win. The match started out poorly but definitely got better. Still, not as good as their mania match. Fuck the people who booed Nia’s post-match promo. Definitely a bunch of sexist male assholes, and exactly the kind of people she is speaking out against. Shit heads.
Rating: 4 Gold Medals

UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP: RANDY ORTON VS. JEFF HARDY
It seemed like this one had more wrestling outside the ring than inside. Love to see that the crowd now chants “Rusev Day” randomly during other people’s matches. Fuck New Jersey almost as much as Montreal. I really don’t understand the need to disrespect the guys who are putting their bodies on the line to entertain you so that you can try to get yourselves over. Fuckers. This is why I won’t go to televised shows anymore, because these crowds are all they get. HEY LET’S PAY $100 TO GO TO A SHOW SO THAT WE CAN SHIT ALL OVER EVERYTHING! They didn’t miss much in this match though. The ending seemed sloppy. No real build to the finish. I thought Jeff could carry the match a bit more, but Randy really dragged it down.
Rating: 2 Gold Medals

Elias with another expert troll job. New Day has run it’s course a year ago. Please make them stop. The only reason I’m upset to see Aiden English is because it gives these idiot smarks another excuse to chant “Rusev Day”. This whole segment seemed like one big clusterfuck and didn’t make any sense.
No gold medals.

DANIEL BRYAN VS. BIG CASS
These fuckholes are chanting “We want Enzo.” I seriously considered turning off the show. I’m sure the women in the audience appreciated that almost as much as when they booed Nia Jax for standing up for women with body issues. I hate that I have to keep addressing awful fans, I’d rather just focus on the match, which is awesome. Bryan hasn’t missed a step, and Cass can really move for a seven footer. Bryan gets the submission, but Cass gets the last word with a post-match attack. I like that it happened that way. Best decision was a Bryan win, but Cass shouldn’t just walk away after a loss.
Rating: 6 Gold Medals

SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP: CHARLOTTE FLAIR VS. CARMELLA
I was surprised that it was Carmella getting the upper hand from the get go before Charlotte finally got going. I love Charlotte’s spear. I really thought Charlotte was gonna hit a pile driver on that reversal of the Code of Silence. The match was mostly good but the ending absolutely sucked. That pretty much ruined the match. A kick to the hamstring? Really? What the hell? The woman who beat Asuka lost because she tweaked her knee then got kicked in the leg. Holy shit.
Rating: 3 Gold Medals

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH: SHINSUKE NAKAMURA VS. A.J. STYLES
Frenetic pace right from the start. A.J. flipping over the ring steps looked gnarly. Way too much in-ring technical wrestling for a no DQ match in my opinion. Nakamura was able to counter of block nearly everything that A.J. attempted for much of the match. God damn, that suplex onto the chair was nasty. Also nasty, A.J.’s cheek is ripped open. That was a really good match, not their best, but when are they going to fight to a finish? They have to be setting up a cage or ladder match. I love to see these guys go at it but a feud has to have a payoff at some point.
Rating: 7 Gold Medals

BRAUN STROWMAN & BOBBY LASHLEY VS. KEVIN OWENS & SAMI ZAYN
I still don’t understand the logic in Strowman never starting tag matches. Let’s leave the guy who won the tag team championships by himself on the apron for 10 minutes before he gets in, makes sense. I get that they want to build up the anticipation for him to get into the match, but have him start, tag out, and THEN have his partner struggle. I’ll never get tired of seeing Strowman steamroll Kevin Owens on the outside. Anyone else hear Sami say “Steen, come on”? We knew this wouldn’t be a catch-as-catch-can style match. We wanted to see Braun and Lashley destroy stuff, and that’s what we saw. It got the job done.
Rating: 5 Gold Medals

SAMOA JOE VS. ROMAN REIGNS
Referencing my article about what makes a good heel, Samoa Joe doesn’t do enough to be a true heel. Even before being paired with Roman, which gets anyone cheered, he seems to want to be the “cool” heel. The answer I got the most about what makes a good heel is 100% commitment to being the bad guy. In his feud with Roman, Joe has done and said things that are obviously meant to get him cheered. That’s not a good heel. Sometimes you can be the biggest bastard on the planet and people will still cheer you, but Joe seems to eat it up when the crowd chants for him, and in his promos to Roman says we all knew this about you and that. You don’t identify with the crowd as a heel. His pre-match attack on Roman was brutal and he controlled the match for about 5-10 minutes from there. In fact, he holds him in sleepers and arm bars while putting us all to sleep. Finally the match picks up after about 10 minutes. And the crowd is so FUNNY! HEY WE DON’T LIKE THIS, LET’S CHANT RUSEV DAY! LOLOLOLOL!!!! DELETE!! Roman showed fight and didn’t pass out from being choked. BOO HIM! Boo him all you want, Reigns wins. Believe that. Still, a shitty match.
Rating: 1 Gold Medal

 

KICKOFF SHOW: BAYLEY VS. RUBY RIOTT
They’re still dragging out the Sasha and Bayley storyline. I do want to see them feud but DO SOMETHING with it already. Are we going to get a Sasha heel turn or what? Make a decision and advance the story, it’s been stagnating for months. My hope is that tonight we’ll see Sasha attack Bayley and do a full turn. The Riott Squad will be out there with Ruby, Sasha would come out seemingly to be in Bayley’s corner, and in the end attack her and complete the turn. I think Bayley wins in one of three scenarios: by DQ after being attacked by Sasha, by DQ after being attacked by Liv and Sarah, or by catching Ruby with a quick roll-up pin or with a Belly to Bayley out of nowhere. In the latter scenario I could see Bayley being attacked by the Riott Squad, Sasha coming down to save her, then after fighting them off together, Sasha viciously attacks Bayley. I could also see Sasha doing something to cost Bayley the match and give Ruby the win, but I think Bayley wins somehow.

Prediction: Bayley

BRAUN STROWMAN & BOBBY LASHLEY VS. KEVIN OWENS & SAMI ZAYN
Strowman is getting a “monster” push and Lashley just returned, no way they lose this match. This could be a quick one.

Prediction: Strowman & Lashley

DANIEL BRYAN VS. BIG CASS
I highly doubt they would have Bryan lose this soon after returning. You could say the same about Cass I suppose, but Cass has never been and is not yet a main event player. I’m sure he’s headed in that direction, he has the size, athleticism, and mic skills to get to get to the top, but that’s likely further down the road. I think Bryan will take a brutal beating in this match but ultimately come out on top.

Prediction: Daniel Bryan

ROMAN REIGNS VS. SAMOA JOE
Coming off his controversial win/non-win against Lesnar, Reigns is looking to get back on track, and he should definitely do it tonight with a huge win against a dominant opponent. This should be a much better match than Reigns and Lesnar as Joe can perform and also take more than two moves. It’s not out of the question that Joe wins the match, but I don’t give him much of a chance. Believe that.

Prediction: Roman Reigns

RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP: ALEXA BLISS VS. NIA JAX (c)
Nia is in the infancy stages of what I expect to be a long run with the Raw Women’s Championship. Going beyond wrestling for a minute, in this position I think she does a lot of good for not just women but all people with body issues, and I think WWE recognizes that and wants to keep her in that spot for a while. Also, Alexa can’t beat Nia. It’s really that simple.

Prediction: Nia Jax

UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP: RANDY ORTON VS. JEFF HARDY (c)
Randy just had the title leading up to Wrestlemania. Jeff just won it. I don’t think they’ll end his reign yet. I think they’re just looking to keep Randy relevant by continuing to give him U.S. Title matches, until they inevitably and unfortunately turn him heel for the ninth time and thrust him back into the main event picture where he can continue to bore us, but in higher profile matches. Usually I don’t really look forward to Orton matches, but give me a Jeff Hardy match any day.

Prediction: Jeff Hardy

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: THE MIZ VS. SETH ROLLINS (c)
With Lesnar keeping the Universal Championship off Raw there’s pretty much no chance they’d take the IC title to SmackDown. Unless that’s what they want us to think. No, no chance. This should be a good send-off match to a good feud.

Prediction: Seth Rollins

SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP: CHARLOTTE FLAIR VS. CARMELLA (c)
I think this match might steal the show. Not just because both women are tremendously talented, but because the fans are so anxious to seeing Charlotte get her hands on Carmella. That’s a testament to Carmella’s grade-A heel work over the past few weeks. Carmella will likely stall the beginning of the match as long as she can, rolling in and out of the ring, building the anticipation and generating massive heat. I think Charlotte will dominate early, Carmella will take control and slow the pace down, and then both women will let loose and wow the crowd with their abilities. I’d like to say Charlotte will win, but I think Carmella will find a way to cheat, possibly involving the Iconics.

Prediction: Carmella

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH: SHINSUKE NAKAMURA VS. A.J. STYLES (c)
I waffled on this one a lot. To me it makes zero sense for A.J. to give Nakamura a no DQ match, because since he’s become the king of the dick punch, that only works to his favor. We’ll certainly see at least one of those. But then again, A.J. really went off at the Greatest Royal Rumble, using the ringside area to beat Nakamura down, so look for more of the same from him. A.J. might win with a nut shot of his own. This should be one hell of a match, and I can’t wait to see what these two throw at each other tonight.

Prediction: A.J. Styles

Time and time again in my posts, I write “I say this all the time, but this is good simplistic heel work that has become the exception rather than the norm.” Hopefully saying it so much means that it’s back to becoming the norm. It has me thinking, what makes a good heel? There’s so many different types of heels, so there’s not one blueprint for how to create one. But what do YOU think makes a good heel? I’d like to know what each of you think makes a top heel, and why those characteristics work. I’m interested to see if it’s the same core traits or if it’s all different. Let’s hear it.

KAIRI SANE VS. SHAZZA MCKENZIE
Kairi Sane is adorable. Who ever Shazza McKenzie is, her entrance music sucks, and so do her strikes. She’s stiff as a board in there, and not in the wrestling “stiff” definition. As in stands straight up in the middle of the ring and doesn’t do anything. Obviously this was just a squash win for Sane, but damn, do SOMETHING in there Shazza. Lacey Evans had a good heel moment after the match, she’s getting a nice push and showing the ability to bring a lot of heat on herself. It’s a great feud too, everyone seems to love Kairi Sane.

STREET PROFITS VS. TM61
That launching dropkick the Street Profits landed was pretty awesome. Very interesting that TM61 used heel tactics to win this one. Before their push last year, I thought they seemed liked they’d be better off as heels, and it looks like we’ll get to see if that’s the case.

PATRICK SCOTT VS. KONA REEVES
I don’t know anything about either of these guys, but I wasn’t impressed with anything I saw. Pretty lame match, even for a squash.

Vanessa Borne calls out Dakota Kai for being scared of Shayna Baszler (rigthfully so). Dakota is coming off as a scared little girl.

CANDICE LERAE VS. BIANCA BELAIR
If you’ve read my previous NXT posts you’ll know how incredibly impressed I am by both of these wrestlers, so I was extremely excited for this match. Unfortunately, Candice wrestled toned down and a little off to sell her emotional distress over Johnny’s beating last week. Bianca’s military press was awesome. I’ve never seen that from a woman of her size. Everything about her is awesome, except her shitty theme music. I’d really like to see them wrestle again with Candice going all out.

PETE DUNNE VS. RODERICK STRONG
Undisputed Era saves Roddy from a loss in a great match, and I loved to see Pete Dunne saved from the beat down by Oney Lorcan and Danny Burch. Those guys form an awesome team and I hope to see a six-man tag team match soon. Burch and Lorcan should be built up as contenders for the tag team titles.

Next week we get EC3’s return and Kassius Ohno vs. Tommaso Ciampa. Looking forward to it.

Why has Percy Watson been added to the 205 Live broadcast team?

HIDEO ITAMI & AKIRA TOZAWA VS. THE BRIAN KENDRICK & JACK GALLAGHER
Definitely a different pace depending on who is in control. Such a big contrast in styles, and it makes for a really enjoyable match. The faces’ style gets the crowd fired up whenever they pick up the pace. They’re definitely leading up to Itami turning on Tozawa to set up a match, they’ve now lost two weeks in a row and Itami is getting more and more frustrated. That’s a match I want to see.

BUDDY MURPHY VS. LIAM LOUIE
Jobber squash match stopped after a minute. Murphy must be a monster. Murphy vs. Alexander should be an incredible match.

KALISTO VS. DREW GULAK
Gulak’s counters are subtle but impressive. He doesn’t get sucked into a fast-paced match and just like last week uses Kalisto’s momentum against him. He uses submissions and counters to slow the match to a pace that works in his favor. When he ran at Kalisto in the corner, he got countered. Nigel pointed out the next time, “Look how he walks to the corner.” These subtleties are often overlooked, and it’s what makes Gulak such a talented wrestler. He gets roundly booed for trying to rip Kalisto’s mask off. The pinning sequences were pretty awesome looking, and it earns a “this is awesome” chant. Gulak hits a pretty cool counter into the Gu-Lock for the win. I think we’ll get a rubber match between these guys. I certainly hope so.

The WWE Title match on Sunday is now DQ. You know what that means: nut shots galore!

MIZ TV W/JEFF HARDY & RANDY ORTON
Miz can always generate a lot of heat with the crowd and other wrestlers. I’ll be shocked if by the time it gets back from commercial we don’t have Jeff & Randy vs. Miz & Benjamin.

JEFF & RANDY VS. MIZ & BENJAMIN
Didn’t need to be Teddy Long to call that one. Once again, the Montreal crowd is more interested in trying to get themselves over than the match itself. Someone actually held up a sign that said “Montreal is awesome.” Go home. Is Jeff’s serpent tattoo up his side new? That looks amazing. Double dose of RKOs tonight. Had to expect that Jeff would get one eventually. Good match, Miz got a lot more heat than I thought he would.

God help me, I’m starting to appreciate the Iconics as heels. The New Day is obnoxious.

Did Lana drop her accent in that backstage segment? I’m pretty certain she did.

BIG CASS PROMO
WWE sure seems to use midgets a lot to make fun of guys. I’m pretty sure Cass murdered the poor guy with that boot. He’s got the makings of a top heel.

A.J. STYLES INTERVIEW
The crowd tries to continue to chant AJ’s name over the interview even though they couldn’t get it right the first 15 times. Why did Samoa Joe interrupt AJ to cut a promo on Roman Reigns? Who had 9:06 for the Nakamura nut shot? Come claim your prize at the door. Also, these guys can go through tables and take chair shots and recover right away, but AJ takes a nut shot and can’t defend himself for 2-3 minutes, just letting Shinsuke knee him in the face? Makes sense.

Asuka’s English is definitely better. She can be really entertaining.

XAVIER WOODS VS. SHEAMUS
I don’t think I’ve truly realized what an impressive wrestler Xavier Woods is. He could probably hold his own on 205 Live. In fact, let’s dismantle the New Day forever and make that happen. Even if he doesn’t end up on 205 Live, let’s just dismantle the New Day. Forever.

Absolution is dead. Cien is coming.

CHARLOTTE, BECKY LYNCH, & ASUKA VS. CARMELLA & THE ICONICS
Carmella has perfected her chicken-shit heel persona against Charlotte. Running away when Charlotte is on the attack, tagging herself in when Charlotte is down, it makes the crowd go nuts when Charlotte finally gets her hands on her. She makes you want to see her get her face kicked in, which is what a good heel is supposed to do. Everyone was really good in this match, made for a great main event.

Again, fuck Montreal.

Oh great, they’re in Canada tonight. Corey refers to them as a “ravenous portion of the WWE Universe”, AKA shitheads. Why bother sending Roman and Jinder as the first two guys out to talk? They had to know nobody in this crowd would even listen to their promos and just shit all over them. HEY LOOK AT US BOO LOUDER THAN EVERYONE ELSE! WE’RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN OTHER FANS! Even Braun got shit for coming down to help Roman. It’s gonna be a long and obnoxious show, especially when that six-man tag team match happens.

ELIAS VS. BOBBY ROODE
This was a really good match. Too bad the crowd didn’t realize it, as the morons were busy chanting “fight Owens fight.” The match told a good story, as it focused on the injury to Roode’s throat. They got a lot of time to work and did a good job with it.

AUTHORS OF PAIN VS. JEAN-PAUL & FRANCOIS
That was quick, and also enjoyable. Who does AOP have their first major feud with?

God dammit Seth, stop encouraging them. He calls them maniacs, so they break into a fucking “Ole” chant, and then CHEER THEMSELVES?! Go fuck yourselves Montreal. OH MY GOD SETH SAID MERCI! OH MY GOD I CAN’T BREATH! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Fuck this. I really like the interactions between Seth and Finn, and Finn giving Seth the reminder that he still wants that IC title match. I wonder if one of them will turn heel. Seth has had a big heel run and it made him an even bigger face, so I think if one of them would turn, it would be Balor.

RUBY RIOTT VS. SASHA BANKS
It seemed like the timing of the moves was just a little bit off early on in this match, but eventually they got a good flow going. It didn’t make any sense for Sarah Logan to go after Sasha with the referee looking right at her. There’s three of them out there, why didn’t Ruby or Liv distract the referee first? It’s little things like these that make a big difference in generating heel heat. It generates a lot more heat if they get away with cheating than if they just attack and get their teammate disqualified. These two fight in the corner a lot. That backwards senton by Ruby was awesome. After I wrote about distracting the ref, the Riott Squad proves my point by getting roundly booed as Sarah distracts the ref while Liv helps Ruby out of the Banks Statement, and ultimately their numbers advantage leads to a win. Great match.

I don’t know how I feel about these “Moment of Bliss” segments, they seem too entertaining for a heel.

JINDER MAHAL, SAMI ZAYN, & KEVIN OWENS VS. ROMAN REIGNS, BOBBY LASHLEY, & BRAUN STROWMAN
How about instead of focusing on how loud you can boo, you appreciate the fact you have Roman Reigns, Bobby Lashley, and Braun Strowman on one team. Even if they’re the heels because they’re basically fighting Team Canada here, it’s still a tag team people probably never imagined. But no, “WE MUST MAKE IT ABOUT US! BOO HARDER! OUI! OUI! OUI!” They’d rather boo Roman than cheer KO or Sami. Then the idiots who boo him count along with his clotheslines on Sami?? Have I made it clear how I feel about Canadian wrestling fans? Also, why in these multiple man tag matches does nobody tag in Braun Strowman until they are desperate?? There’s no logic in that. I get that you want the big pop when he finally gets into the match, but it makes zero sense. Strowman’s shoulder blocks are beautiful. Thrilled to see Strowman pin KO.

BARON CORBIN VS. NO WAY JOSE
Baron is great on the mic. As I feared they would, they’re probably now gonna force Titus’ fall into every entrance. You take something that was a huge moment because it was not planned and now try to plan it every time. It’ll be ruined in a week. They did it with J.T. Smith in ECW, after he horribly botched a suicide dive, he started botching his moves and falling in every match. It was terrible.

MICKIE JAMES W/ ALEXA BLISS VS. NATALYA W/ RONDA ROUSEY
They barely showed the match or how it ended as they showed Rousey chasing Alexa around the ring, so I have no idea if this was a good match.

FINN BALOR VS. SETH ROLLINS FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE
I never get tired of their matches. Balor takes on a little bit of the heel role tonight. What more can be said about these guys that I haven’t already said about their other matches. Incredibly entertaining. I was kind of surprised to see Rollins get a clean win, I thought we might see Axel and Dallas attack.

Goodnight, and fuck Montreal.

Based on the normal heel-face dynamic, Braun Strowman should not be this over. Think of some of the top faces over the years, and the guys who are still most loved today: Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, The Rock, Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, Daniel Bryan, A.J. Styles… what do they have in common? The answer is overcoming the odds. When these guys were faces, they were always fighting authority figures putting every obstacle they could in their paths. Now think of other faces who have been made out to be invincible/unbeatable/above the rest: John Cena and Roman Reigns. They are both hugely popular and hugely unpopular. The hardcore fan base feels these guys have been shoved down their throats and don’t want “invincible”. They derisively refer to Cena as “Super Cena” and “Big Match John”. They boo Roman Reigns out of the building.

How about someone more similar in style to Strowman in Ryback? He was pushed to the top face spot for a short time against CM Punk. Fans grew to enjoy chanting “feed me more” and were behind him as he destroyed two and three jobbers at a time and faced the top heel in the company. Why did Ryback, who was billed as unbeatable, not suffer the same fate as Cena or Reigns with half the fans? Why doesn’t Strowman?

In looking for the answer, I was reminded of one man. The man whose name was chanted as a taunt as Ryback when his push began, and the one still chanted today at big men who dominate all of their competition: Goldberg. Goldberg broke the mold of the babyface who struggled and persevered for months or years to finally reach the top. He wasn’t “Mrs. Foley’s baby boy” who hitchhiked to Madison Square Garden. He didn’t have the boyhood dream of Shawn Michaels. He didn’t have to be threatened with firings and arrests by Eric Bischoff every week. He wasn’t a third-generation star. The announcers claimed to know nothing about him and played shocked when he dominated Hugh Morrus for his first victory on Nitro. He was billed as an unstoppable machine who tore through his competition. The only words he spoke for a long time were “who’s next”. The fans loved it. He WAS WCW. If you ask someone what they think of when they hear WCW, they’ll either say NWO or Goldberg. Sorry Sting. So why did Goldberg work that way? Why does Strowman work?

I think it’s this simple: we want to see big men destroy things. It’s why even though he’s a heel, people chant “Joe is gonna kill you” when someone steps to Samoa Joe. One problem with Roman, aside from awful mic skills possibly dooming him from the start (though much improved), is that he’s too big to be billed as a sympathetic face overcoming the odds. He’s Ryback’s size. Most men don’t want to see a guy who women find attractive, is 6’3, 285, and doesn’t have the mic skills to entertain them being pushed on them as a guy who deserves there support as he scratches and claws his way to the top.

Staying on Roman for a minute, if he had been billed like Goldberg, I think he would have been a lot better off. No promos, just squashes. I don’t know if anything could have fixed the fact that he won the Royal Rumble instead of Daniel Bryan, that killed him in a lot of people’s eyes. But he’d be in a better place that he is now if they had used the Goldberg formula for a while. It wouldn’t have lasted forever, but it would certainly have helped.

Back to the subject of this post. Strowman is a guy who everyone can get behind. We want to be him. We would all love to be merciless Giants who destroy everything in their path sometimes. Combine that with adding a simple phrase that the crowd can chant along with, “GET THESE HANDS,” and his better than average mic skills and personality, and you have a recipe for success. It doesn’t happen very often. I think of Goldberg, Strowman, and the late Bruno Sammartino as company-backed babyfaces who were pushed the top in this manner. I’m sure there’s guys I’m missing, but not many come to mind.

Why do you like Braun? Or, why do you not like him? What works and what doesn’t about his push? What would you change, if anything?

HHH VS. JOHN CENA

That’s a fuck ton of fireworks. An agonizingly slow start to the match. Not much flow early on, one move then walking around and taunting. Another move then walking around and taunting. Not that I expect these guys to have a cruiserweight-type match, but come on, you’re starting the show, give us some action. Finally it moved more into rest holds and HHH controlling the match, which made the slower pace make a little more sense to set up Cena’s comebacks. Still, it felt like this match never really got going very well, just random moves back and forth until they kick out of each other’s finishers. Cena hits a couple more AA’s for the win, but I was not entertained in the least by this one. Weak start to the show.

CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: KALISTO VS. CEDRIC ALEXANDER

Both guys show off their athleticism to start the match. Kalisto’s springboard 450 to the outside was amazing. These guys never fail to impress. Kalisto’s moves are incredible, that springboard Spanish fly was ridiculous. Awesome counter by Alexander turning the Salida del Sol into the Lumbar Check for the win. Tremendous match but it seemed like the crowd wasn’t very into it. I wouldn’t be surprised if most of them have no idea who these guys are and didn’t know what to make of that style

RAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: DELETER OF WORLDS VS. THE BAR

Nothing special about the match itself, not that it was a bad match, but nothing really stood out to me as truly exciting. It’s going to be fun to see Matt and Bray as tag team champions, I really look forward to the promos they come up with.

UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP: JINDER MAHAL VS. JEFF HARDY

These two gel really well in the ring. But Jesus, what a complete botch on that Whisper in the Wind. Jinder selling a move that missed him by five feet, and selling it 2-3 seconds after it missed him might be the worst botch I’ve ever seen. Ignoring that, it was a pretty awesome match with Jeff ultimately retaining with a Swanton Bomb.

SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: THE USOS VS. THE BLUDGEON BROTHERS

Another destruction by the Bludgeon Brothers. I’m surprised we didn’t see any involvement from Naomi. It’s a lot of fun to see these guys just destroy teams.

LADDER MATCH FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: SETH ROLLINS VS. FINN BALOR VS. THE MIZ VS. SAMOA JOE

I was most excited for this match and these guys did not disappoint. Lots of fighting on the ladder, lots of the ladder being used as a weapon, which is what we hope for in a ladder match. The crowd was more into this match than any other before it. Joe didn’t do as much as I expected him to, but I guess with his recent injury history it’s smarter not to do anything too high-risk. The finish kind of came out of nowhere with Rollins racing up the ladder to grab the title just before Balor, but overall this match was awesome. It’s was really cool to see Rollins springboard from the ropes to halfway up the ladder.

Four Saudi prospects beat up Shawn Daivari. That was pretty cool and the crowd absolutely loved it.

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP: SHINSUKE NAKAMURA VS. A.J. STYLES

Excellent heel wrestling by Nakamura. A cheap shot to the knee and unrelenting attacks gave him control of the match. Both guys’ incredible technical wrestling was on display, perhaps even more so than at Wrestlemania. Both were wrestling face then, so this one has a different dynamic and Nakamura is wrestling a bit of a different style. The fast-paced offense and counters by both is amazing to watch. Nakamura’s kicks are nasty. I hope this crowd truly appreciated watching two of the best in the world, two masters of their craft at the top of their games. The crowd got more into the match as it went on, and how could they not? These two are mesmerizing to watch. A perfect heel move with Nakamura hitting the low blow with the ref’s back turned. As I mention all the time, I feel like I have have recognize and applaud simple and logical heel work because it’s become a lost art. I loved the ending with the double count out and AJ going nuts on Shinsuke. That made this feel extra personal and only serves to strengthen their feud, which will obvious continue. This was an excellent match and excellent character development for Shinsuke’s heel persona, and has me begging for more. I can’t wait to see where the feud goes from here.

CASKET MATCH: RUSEV VS. THE UNDERTAKER

Slow match but that’s about all The Undertaker can do nowadays. Taker looks extremely slow and unsteady on his feet. He takes a few of Rusev’s kicks pretty well. If this really is the best he can do, it’s not how we want to remember him. There were definitely some good exchanges and good spots in the match, and overall I found it enjoyable to watch Taker in a casket match. We all know Undertaker has to be done. But who would retire him? We thought Roman did it two years ago. I would have it be Kane.

STEEL CAGE MATCH FOR THE UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP: ROMAN REIGNS VS. BROCK LESNAR

Suplex. Suplex. Suplex. Suplex. Suplex. Suplex. Suplex. Suplex. Suplex. Sorry I wasn’t counting and figured I’d just keep tying that and it would be a fairly accurate assessment. F-5. Climb the cage. Finally Roman gets some offense going, and the crowd seems to wake up a bit. Superman punch. Superman punch. Superman punch. Spear. Spear. Spear. Fuck, this looks familiar. Paul Heyman was doing the best work of the match. Just as I was giving up on this borefest, Reigns hit a spear through the cage that almost made me jump right up. God damn. Shit match, bitchin finish, Brock still champion. Ah shit.

THE GREATEST ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH
#1 – Daniel Bryan
#2 – Dolph Ziggler
#3 – Sin Cara

Ziggler eliminated Sin Cara

#4 – Curtis Axel
#5 – Mark Henry

Mark Henry eliminated Curtis Axel

#6 – Mike Kanellis

Mark Henry eliminated Mike Kanellis in about two seconds

#7 – Hiroki Sumi, some sumo wrestler

Mark Henry eliminated Hiroki Sumi
Dolph Ziggler & Daniel Bryan eliminated Mark Henry

Ziggler does the Michaels things a couple times, barely keeping his feet off the mat and saving himself from elimination

#8 – Viktor

Daniel Bryan eliminated Viktor. Impressed by Viktor’s moves in his very short showing. As I’v said before, hopefully The Ascension is rebuilt into a dominant tag team and not a comedy act

#9 – Kofi Kingston
#10 – Tony Nese

Nese shows off his skills vs. Kofi. I love this guy.

#11 – Dash Wilder
#12 – HORNSWOGGLE!

Hornswoggle eliminated Dash Wilder. That was funny.
Tony Nese eliminated Hornswoggle. I no longer love this guy. Bastard.

#13 – Primo
#14 – Xavier Woods

This wasn’t one of Kofi’s more impressive rumble saves, but it still looked pretty damn funny.
Kofi & Woods eliminated Tony Nese

#15 – Bo Dallas
#16 – Kurt Angle. Oh it’s true, it’s DAMN true!

Kurt Angle eliminated Primo
Kurt Angle eliminated Bo Dallas
Kurt Angle eliminated Dolph Ziggler

#17 – Scott Dawson
#18 – Goldust
#19 – Konnor
#20 – Elias

Elias eliminated Konnor, Kofi Kingston, & Xavier Woods. That was excellent. Though I would have liked to hear the song he came up with.

#21 – Luke Gallows

Looked like DB came inches from breaking his neck on Angle’s German suplex attempt.
Elias eliminated Kurt Angle. Tear.

#22 – Rhyno
#23 – Drew Gulak
#24 – Tucker Knight. STEAKS AND WEIGHTS!

Tucker Knight eliminated Drew Gulak

#25 – Bobby Roode

Bobby Roode eliminated Goldust
Bobby Roode eliminated Scott Dawson (or Dawson eliminated himself, or he got hurt and took himself out)

#26 – Fandango
#27 – Chad Gable. Gable holding up Tucker Knight on his shoulders was pretty awesome
#28 – Rey Mysterio

Rey Mysterio eliminates Luke Gallows
The 619 is still the stupidest move.

#29 – Mojo Rawley

Mojo Rawley eliminated Fandango

#30 – Tyler Breeze

Mojo Rawley eliminated Tyler Breeze. Cute moment.
YES KICKS!

#31 – Big E. PANCACKES!

Big E eliminated Tucker Knight

#32 – Karl Anderson
#33 – Apollo Crews

Apollo Crews eliminated Chad Gable. I love Apollo Crews, I really hope he finds his niche and connects with the crowd, because he is one of the best wrestlers on the roster.

#34 – Roderick Strong. Back breakers galore. Those look brutal.

Roderick Strong terribly eliminates Rhyno. That was awful.

#35 – Randy Orton. As much as he bores me, I LOVE his powerslam. RKO almost immediately. Didn’t look so good.

Randy Orton eliminated Karl Anderson, Mojo Rawley, & Apollo Crews

#36 – Heath Slater
#37 – Babatunde, a Polish wrestler from NXT
#38 – Baron Corbin. He loudly announces his entrance into the match. God damn. He’s attacks are nasty

Baron Corbin eliminates Bobby Roode & Roderick Strong

#39 – Titus O’Neil. Greatest entrance ever.
#40 – Dan Matha
#41 – BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUN!

Braun Strowman eliminated Babatunde & Dan Matha
Braun Strowman eliminated Heath Slater

#42 – Tye Dillinger

Braun Strowman eliminated Titus O’Neil & Tye Dillinger. Talk about cleaning house.
RKO OUTTA NOWHERE!
Baron Corbin eliminated Rey Mysterio
Randy Orton eliminated Baron Corbin
Elias eliminated Randy Orton
That was an awesome sequence

#43 – Curt Hawkins. Keep the streak going.

Braun Strowman eliminated Curt Hawkins. I love seeing Strowman chase guys down

#44 – Bobby Lashley

Bobby Lashley eliminated Elias. Sorry Cole.

#45 – The Great Khali

Lashley & Braun sliminated Great Khali. Thank god.

#46 – Kevin Owens
#47 – Shane McMahon

Love to see Shane & DB kicking the shit out of KO.

#48 – Shelton Benjamin
#49 – Big Cass, who immediately mauls Daniel Bryan

Shane should stop hurting himself, but shit, the coast to coast is still amazing.

#50 – Chris Jericho

Chris Jericho eliminated Shelton Benjamin
Jericho finally gets his hands on Owens, until Cass kicks his head off.
Braun Strowman eliminated the shit out of Shane McMahon. Should have expected Shane would do something like that.
Braun Strowman eliminated Bobby Lashley, Chris Jericho, & Kevin Owens
Big Cass eliminated Daniel Bryan. Oh no.

BRAUN STROWMAN ELIMINATED BIG CASS!

That was so much fun. That’s how you do a Royal Rumble. Braun was the obvious choice to win. I went with Daniel Bryan. I was close, but I’m certainly not gonna be upset with this outcome. That’s a really cool looking belt that Braun gets too.

A lot of good, some bad. What did you guys think of the show?

CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Kaliso vs. Cedric Alexander

Fast-paced action will wow and entertain the crowd. No way I can see these guys putting on a bad match. It’s possible Buddy Murphy gets himself added to the match, which would be awesome.

Prediction: Cedric Alexander

SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
THE BLUDGEON BROTHERS VS. THE USOS

We’ll definitely see Naomi getting involved here, but I wonder how much. Will she get hurt? Will the Bludgeons take her captive? Will she throw in the towel? My guess is that she’ll make the referee stop the match somehow to avoid serious injury to her husband. Whatever she does, it won’t stop the severe beating that Harper and Rowan are going to hand out.

Prediction: The Bludgeon Brothers

RAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Matt Hardy & Bray Wyatt vs. Sheamus & Cesaro

There’s been a lot of push behind Matt and Bray and I certainly don’t expect it to end here. This team has a ton of potential. The Bar will be DELETED!

Prediction: Deleater of Worlds

UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP
Jinder Mahal vs. Jeff Hardy

Just so Jinder can’t say he never got his rematch. They put on a pretty good match on Raw, I expect an even better one here with Jeff putting on a big show for the… big show.

Prediction: Jeff Hardy

GRUDGE MATCH
John Cena vs. Triple H

Billed as a “grudge match” for people who probably have no idea why there’s a grudge. I myself can’t even think back that long. Two legends who can still put on a hell of a show. Cena is the superhero and will be pushed as such to this crowd.

Prediction: John Cena

CASKET MATCH
Rusev vs. The Undertaker

Big rub to Rusev getting to work with the legend. Then he wasn’t working with him. Now he is again. It’s awesome for him and it’s always special to see Undertaker in the ring, but why are these two guys having a match? And a casket match at that, which has always been the culmination of a lengthy and brutal feud? There’s been no build, I don’t think these two have even shared a ring, maybe outside of a Royal Rumble. Cool match, but I don’t get why it’s happening, and that takes away a lot of the intrigue for me.

Prediction: The Undertaker

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP LADDER MATCH
Seth Rollins vs. Samoa Joe vs. Finn Balor vs. The Miz

The match I’m most excited for. All bets are off in a ladder match, especially with guys like Rollins and Balor who go balls-out ever match. Miz is no slouch in these match. I expect Joe to steal the show in this match and shock people with some high spots. Prediction: Carnage, brutality, pain.

Prediction: Seth Rollins

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. A.J. Styles

I wonder if Nakamura will try any low blows. This is a tough match to call. Usually a top face is best suited chasing a championship than as champion. As a face, Stone Cold never wanted to be champ for very long for that very reason, he felt it made his character better. He was right. Then again, maybe they want to see more of Nakamura as a heel before they decide if and when they want to put the belt on him. I don’t feel like a Nakamura title run would be the best thing right now.

Prediction: A.J. Styles

UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP
Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Rumor has it that Vince wanted to save Roman’s title win for a more accepting crowd. Another rumor is that Lesnar’s deal is short term until he drops the belt. Roman winning the title would certainly be a huge moment and make this show extremely memorable. I couldn’t see him losing again unless WWE is planning to move on from him, and I definitely don’t see that happening.

Prediction: Roman Reigns

50-MAN GREATEST ROYAL RUMBLE
Everybody Else vs. Everybody Else

Braun Strowman is the trendy and obvious choice here. He’s been on an absolute tear. He’s been unbeatable. He won a tag team battle royal by himself. He won the tag team titles (mostly) by himself (sorry Nicholas). Who else could possibly win this match? Is there anyone who always seems to overcome seemingly insurmountable odds? Someone who’s made a career out of it, who seems to capture the hearts and emotions of the entire WWE Universe? Someone who’s triumphs are highlighted and glorified time and time again? The simple answer: YES!

Prediction: Daniel Bryan

Do my predictions suck? Let me know in the comments.