OPENING SEGMENT: PAIGE
Joe committed the most dastardly crime in WWE history? Do I need to make a list? Pillman’s Got a Gun? Katie Vick? MUHAMMAD FUCKING HASSAN?? I get it, gotta sell it. AJ’s promo was weird. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I didn’t want to like it at first, but it got better as it continued.
AJ Styles Promo Rating: Six Jake Roberts
THE FABULOUS TRUTH VS. ANDRADE “CIEN” ALMAS & ZELINA VEGA
They’re really promoting the hell out of the MMC. And Carmlla IS a fake New Yorker, she’s from Massachusetts! That story was broken by me, of course. These dance breaks always put a big smile on my face. Carmella and Vega are putting on a hell of a show. We’ve seen a lot of WWE testing the waters on how people react to men putting their hands on women. We saw it for the first time in a long time at WrestleMania in the with Triple H-Rounda Rousey and Kurt Angle-Stephanie McMahon. They expanded it with The Miz and Brie Bella, and now, though minimal, with Almas and Carmella. I don’t think people mind if that’s as far as it goes, because pretty much every time the female face is standing in the end. Back to this one, Carmella uses the Code of Silence for the win. I love that move.
Match Rating: Seven Gold Medals
Tye Dillinger wants Randy Orton, and he’ll get him tonight.
NEW DAY COOKS
Ten gold medals to Big E for throwing in the ICOPRO reference. The rest of this does not feel entertaining to me. The Bar interrupts and unfortunately we’ll probably get a shitty food fight. At least it’s a little more than a food fight, as New Day gets their asses kicked. Bootyworth can barely keep a straight face as he’s covered in batter. That line didn’t come out the way it was supposed to, but I’m leaving it in.
Segment Rating: Two This Is Your Lifes
RANDY ORTON VS. TYE DILLINGER
Dillinger is pissed, but Randy doesn’t care. Orton has a singular focus: dismantle. Dillinger takes Randy’s best punches but fights back ferociously until taking a DDT on the floor. Orton twists Dillinger’s fingers in the steel around the ringpost. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ON NO FUCK NO OUCH OUCH STOP FUCK NO OUCH. I showed that the ear stuff with Jeff Hardy doesn’t really hurt.
See, that’s nothing. But this finger stuff… again, not how I meant it to sound, but I said what I said.
Beat Down Rating: Eight Randy Ortons
Shelton Benjamin vs. Daniel Bryan tonight, and we’re about to see what scandalous, horrible, disgusting, brutal, bottom feeding trash bag— sorry, went in a different direction there. We’re about to see what scandalous, awful things happened in Milwaukee.
ONE NIGHT IN MILWAUKEE
“Tear-jerking dramas like Love Actually and BASEketball“. That’s gold. I’m sure there’s more to come after “I want you…” that she says that kill Aiden’s credibility, but of course he’s not going to show it. For now, people will be content to blame Lana. This was better than I thought it would be.
Segment Rating: Three This Is Your Lifes
DANIEL BRYAN VS. SHELTON BENJAMIN w/THE MIZ ON COMMENTARY
Due to this latest disappointing run, it’s easy to forget how good Shelton Benjamin is. Miz is a complete asshole and an admitted cheater, but when he goes on his rants, he speaks the truth. Benjamin has an answer for everything Bryan tries. I really hope that he after this impressive performance, they find a better use for him. My friends at Ring the Damn Bell recently discussed his booking what his future should be. Miz distracts Bryan and Benjamin is able to pick up a HUGE win over the former WWE Champion.
Benjamin’s work in this match was top-notch. It wasn’t extremely flashy nor did he have any “holy shit” moments, but he just gelled perfectly with another one of the best workers in the business and nailed the heel psychology perfectly to put on the best match of the night. Miz added another layer of heat and entertainment, expertly as usual, then lays down a beating on DB after the match.
Match Rating: Nine Gold Medals
Regardless of how people feel about Susan G. Komen or WWE’s motives, I will always be moved by anything having to do with breast cancer. I lost my mom to it in 2006. There’s many ways to support research if you don’t like Komen.
ASUKA w/NAOMI VS. PEYTON ROYCE w/BILLIE KAY
The Aussie Floss? Kill it with fire. Corey Graves is really on his game tonight. Ever since Asuka lost her undefeated streak, they have made her look much less dominant. This match was just like most of her matches have been since then: the opponent takes control early, Asuka has a quick flash off offense, she locks in the Asuka Lock, match over. I don’t know why she’s being booked like this, but it feels like a total waste of her potential. It’s certainly possible that her undefeated streak was just a means to an end, that end being Charlotte Flair’s WrestleMania Moment™, and that after that, they don’t have a lot of use for her, which would be a shame if that’s the case. Both women looked good, but it just felt like this match could have been so much better.
Match Rating: Three Gold Medals
BECKY LYNCH’S SURPRISE
Becky makes a new Super ShowDown poster, and Charlotte attacks. Hell of a promo by Becky before Charlotte kicks her head off.
Becky Lynch Promo Rating: Seven Sensational Sherris
Charlotte Beat Down Rating: Two Randy Ortons
I really enjoyed tonight’s show, really good start to finish.
Overall Show Rating: Eight Gold Medals