TAG TEAM BATTLE ROYAL
So we’re going to find out who captains the Raw tag team Survivor Series team. Why does Lucha House Party get three guys? I think Strowman will win yet another tag team battle royal. Strowman cleans house. That battel royal did not last long. Oh shit, someone gave Strowman a black eye. Stephanie McMahon comes out, probably to get these hands. Stephanie gets Braun on Raw’s Survivor Series team, and Braun gets Baron Corbin, and possibly another Universal Championship match.
Ronda Rousey! Stephanie claps like a slow seal. Ronda threatens Stephanie. Here comes Corbin, and it’s getting crowded out here. Baron sold Rousey’s hip toss really shittily. I want to see Strowman neuter Corbin.
Segment Rating: Six This Is Your Lifes
EMBER MOON VS. TAMINA w/NIA JAX
Tamina is rusty as hell. She does not look good, can’t sell for shit. Nia distracts Ember enough for Tamina to do a terrible splash from the top rope. I love Ember Moon, and she did her best, but because of Tamina, this was awful.
COREY GRAVES INTERVIEWS SETH ROLLINS
Dean Ambrose steals this segment. Dean burns his Shield garb as Seth looks like he’s about to cry, and storms out of the ring. That was amazing.
Dean Ambrose Promo Rating: Ten Jake Roberts
DOLPH ZIGGLER & DREW McINTYRE
As much of a kick in the balls that was to our site’s patriarch, that was a great troll job by Dolph Ziggler. The bassist from 3MB brags about what he did to Kurt Angle last week, and cuts a tremendous promo about not letting any more nostalgia acts on this show before being interrupted by Finn Balor. Balor tells him to shut up and challenges him to a match. McIntyre declines and passes him off to Ziggler. McIntyre has short jokes, then knocks Balor out with a headbutt! Well FUCK!
Drew McIntyre Promo Rating: Nine Roddy Pipers
FINN BÁLOR VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER
Bálor still can’t stand up straight but of course Corbin sanctions the match. Ziggler controls him through most of the match but Bálor finally makes a comeback with McIntyre fuming on the outside. I definitely see a dirty finish coming. Bálor takes out both of them with a somersault over the top rope, but misses a Coup de Grâs. Ziggler tries to get him with a cradle, but Finn reverses for a pin! Didn’t see that coming.
Match Rating: Six Gold Medals
Stephanie puts Finn, Drew, and Dolph on the Survivor Series team.
Ronda sounds upset.
THE RIOTT SQUAD
Ruby cuts a great heel interview, then Natalya attacks Ruby from behind. Not smart, as it quickly becomes three on one. They do an absolutely terrible version of the Hart Attack. Still a great promo.
Promo Rating: Seven Sensational Sherris
TAG TEAM BATTLE ROYAL
Looks like they’re gonna try this again. Gable and Roode win. Trust me, I didn’t leave anything out.
Match Rating: One Gold Medal
BROCK LESNAR & PAUL HEYMAN
Heyman said “Google it, bitches!” Is Jinder Mahal really interrupting Lesnar? They were supposed to wrestle at Survivor Series last year. Lesnar hits Mahal with one of the hardest clotheslines I’ve ever seen. The Singh Brothers are dead.
Destruction Rating: Eight Braun Strowmans
BOBBY LASHLEY w/LIO RUSH VS. ELIAS
Elias hilarious picks Lashley and Rush apart, then Lashley’s response is to call him a clown and say “say it to my face”. Great job Lashley. Lio Rush holds onto Elias’ leg and causes a count out, making Lashley the last man on the Survivor Series team. Elias might kill Rush. Elias picks him up by the pants and launches him through the ropes into Lashley.
Match Rating: Three Gold Medals
BAYLEY VS. SASHA
Alexa Bliss makes them compete for the final Survivor Series spot. This is a great match. HOLY SHIT Bayley to Belly on the apron after Sasha kneed Bayley in the face. With how bad they’ve stagnated on the main roster, it’s easy to forget how great their NXT matches were. Mickie James, Tamina, and Nia Jax ruin a great match. I thought Alexa was going to announce herself, but instead announces Ruby Riott. How is this gonna work with Natalya?
Match Rating: Eight Gold Medals
HOLY SHIT BECKY INVADED RAW AND HAD ROUSEY IN THE DIS-ARM-HER IN HER LOCKER ROOM!
Becky Lynch walks down to the ring, and SmackDown attacks! Becky’s nose fucking EXPLODED. And she STILL goes after Ronda with a chair. Becky’s face looks like a tampon. Her standing tall and smiling is an instant iconic moment.
Booking Rating: Ten Dustys
Overall Show Rating: Six Gold Medals