Evolution Review

TRISH STRATUS & LITA VS. ALICIA FOX & MICKIE JAMES w/Alexa Bliss

Leah is understandable slower with her offense, but she still looks good. Trish looks really good, and I think that’s also a testament to Alicia Fox’s athleticism and ability to make others look good. That’s certainly not to take anything away from Trish. Trish and Mickie punching each other in the face is fun. Did Mickie punch Trish in the poon when she was holding her upside down on the ropes?

Trish with a nice hurricanrana that sends the heels running. The injured Alexa Bliss rips Lita down off the top rope as she went for her moonsault. Overall I think Trish is in better ring shape than Lita is. Alicia Fox was WAY late on her cue to break up a pin after Stratusfaction, and the ref seemed stopped his count before she got there to break it up. That looked really bad. Lita hits her moonsault on both women to give the faces the win. Aside from that botch, this match was as good as could be expected.

Match Rating: Six Gold Medals

 

The butthole twins flapped their holes about something, I dunno what cuz I get diarrhea whenever they start blabbering.

 

BATTLE ROYAL: NAOMI, MICHELLE McCOOL, KELLY KELLY, SONYA DEVILLE, ALUNDRA BLAYZE, DANA BROOKE, NIA JAX, LANA, CARMELLA, EMBER MOON, MANDY ROSE, MARIA KANELLIS, MOLLY HOLLY, TAMINA, ZELINA VEGA, IVORY, ASUKA, TORRIE WILSON, BILLIE KAY, PEYTON ROYCE

Deservedly so, the Iconics are dumped out immediately. It’s amazes me how much I’ve come around on their gimmick. Molly Holly eliminated by Sonya Deville. She and Mandy Rose eliminate Kelly Kelly. Mandy Rose eliminated Torrie Wilson. MANDY ELIMINATES SONYA! Nia Jax takes out Alundra Blayze. I don’t know why they don’t have it a dominant elimination or a dramatic one. Blayze held on to the rope then just slowly rolled onto her feet on the floor. Weird.

Nia headbutts Maria Kanellis off the apron. Bye bye Maria. Nia and Tamina join forces to take out beat the shit out of EVERYBODY. For some reason, Lana wants to start shit with them and they double headbutt her before Tamina launches her out. Nia body slams Tamina, then Asuka goes after Nia. They do a giant quadruple suplex and then Carmella and Ivory have a dance break. Love it. Mandy Rose tries to eliminate Ivory but gets eliminated by Carmella.

Ember does an AWESOME front suplex to Dana Brooke all the way to the floor to eliminate her. Michell McCool shows off her strength lifting Carmella up into a power bomb position, then thwarts Ember Moon’s springboard attempt with a big kick. Unfortunately for her Ember recovers to eliminate Michelle. Asuka and Naomi double team Tamina, but Tamina throws Naomi HIGH into the air with a back body drop all the way to the floor to eliminate her.

Ember Moon and Carmella fuck up some kind of spin hurricanrana thing. Mella moonwalks but next thing she knows she’s being eliminated by Ember Moon. Ember was my pick to win from the start. I waffled between her and Asuka. Krysia says it will either be Ember or Nia. All three of them are still in the match. Asuka’s ass eliminates Ivory. Now we get the old rivalry between Asuka and Ember Moon and a big NXT chant. I just notice Ember’s awesome white contacts. EMBER ELIMINATES ASUKA! She vanquishes her rival! But Tamina hits a spinning side slam on Ember, and it’s down to Ember Moon, Tamina, and Nia Jax. COME ON EMBER!

Eclipse on Tamina! Tamina is eliminated! And then there were two. Nia TRUCKS Ember. Everybody is chanting for Ember to win. Nia back body drops Ember, BUT SHE LANDS ON THE APRON! STILL ALIVE! Ember is trying to pull Nia over! She’s halfway there! Zelina Vega comes out of nowhere to throw them both over! Nice try Zelina, she eliminates nobody, and Nia heaves him from the ring right into Tamina standing by the entrance ramp below.

Ember with a kick, a clothesline, a clothesline, and…. runs into a Nia powerbomb, and Nia throws Ember over for the win. Congrats Krysia. You were right. DAMMIT! That was a lot more exciting than I thought it would be. I’ll say it was excellent.

Match Rating: Eight Gold Medals

 

MAE YOUNG CLASSIC FINAL: TONI STORM VS. IO SHIRAI

It’s really cool to see other competitors from this year’s tournament at ringside. I really love how committed Rhea Ripley is committed to her gimmick, you could see her totally showing that she’s forced to be out there and giving the slowest most insincere clap. After Tegan Nox tore everything in her knee against Ripley in the Mae Young Classic, Ripley walked away shrugging her shoulders and smiling about the win, then made her Twitter profile pic a still of Nox crying in pain. I don’t see many wrestlers take it to that level anymore, and I applaud her.

I expect this to be an incredible match. I’ve been a big fan of Toni Storm for a while and I’ve recently become a big fan of Shirai as well. Shirai takes control after a big dropkick and has Storm in a modified abdominal stretch down on the mat. Storm gets to her feet, counters, and hits a vicious German suplex that folds up Shirai. Storm climbs up to the top rope, but Shirai dropkicks her from the top rope to the floor, then nails a beautiful moonsault to the outside. Storm tries for Storm Zero on the apron. She doesn’t get that but she does nail a GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE APRON!

Shirai starts a comeback but Storm ends it with a brutal clothesline, then hits Storm Zero, but Shirai kicks out! Yes, give me more! Shirai recovers and hits a 619 then an amazing springboard sunset flip for a two count. After a meteora, Shirai goes for her Asai moonsault, but Storm gets her knees up! Storm Zero! Storm wins! Toni Storm wins the 2018 Mae Young Classic! What a match. What a fucking match. I can’t think of any way this could have gone better. I will watch this match again, that’s for sure.

Match Rating: Ten Gold Medals

 

THE RIOTT SQUAD VS. BAYLEY, SASHA BANKS, & NATALYA

I keep becoming more and more of a Riott Squad fan. Their gimmicks are awesome and it’s obvious they have so much fun with it. Sarah Logan is such a powerhouse, and she can do almost anything in the ring. She’s the total package, she’s even gotten better on the mic since she stopped being Larry the Cable Girl. The Riott Squad works the hell out of Bayley in their corner and after a lot of anticipation she finally makes the hot tag to Sasha Banks.

Sasha and Ruby are way off tonight. Their chemistry and flow was terrible. Usually they work together a lot better than that. Sasha purposely botches a suicide dive, Brie Bella style, and the Riott Squad basket catches her and throws her into the barricade. Sarah and Liv hit the Doomsday Device on Sasha. Love that move. After getting her ass beat for a bit, Sasha makes the hot tag to Natalya.

She puts Ruby and Sarah in a DOUBLE SHARPSHOOTER! Liv Morgan was the legal woman, breaks it up, and gets a two count on Nattie. Sasha and Bayley are down, Natalya is all alone, until Bayley is back! Elbow drop from Bayley! Sasha tags in! Frog splash! Sasha pins Liv! Great finish. I originally predicted that the Riott Squad would win, and still feel like they should have, but I know how WWE treats those really good and interesting heel groups like Riott Squad and SAnitY. Something about this match was really off.

Match Rating: Three Gold Medals

 

NXT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: SHAYNA BASZLER VS. KAIRI SANE (c)

Shayna is all over Kairi to start the match, ramming her into the ring steps. Shayna has come such a long way since she started in NXT. She was very one-dimensional at the start. She couldn’t do much beyond some strikes and a choke, and couldn’t do anything on the mic. She’s maximized her limited mic skills, and has become a very good wrestler with a much more expanded skill set. Kairi is going for the Anchor! I love that move.

Shayna fights back but Sane hits a great spear in the middle of the ring, another in the corner, and a neckbreaker for a two count. Alabama Slam sets up for the InSane Elbow, but Baszler holds her up BY HER ARM well above the floor before dropping her. OUCH! Sane reverses a suplex into a DDT and sets up for the elbow again, but Shayna moves to the outside. Instead Sane hits a huge splash from the top turnbuckle to the floor!

The match goes into the crowd and Jessamyn Duke grabs Kairi Sane! I thought this might happen. Marina Shafir distracts Sane while Baszler locks in the Kirafuta clutch! Sane rolls in into the pin just like in Brooklyn. Duke kicks Sane in the face, ref doesn’t see, Baszler locks in the clutch again! Sane is gonna lose! There’s no way she hangs on! She’s gonna pass out. Baszler is gonna win. She’s out! It’s over! New champion! That was a terrific match and a finish that I hate but not because it was a dumb or bad finish, but because it was a great heel finish. I HATE that Baszler beat Sane, but in the storyline it works.

Match Rating: Nine Gold Medals

 

Watching the video package before the Becky Lynch match, they put boos in when Becky told off Edge??? Come on! She was cheered like hell! Why the hell can’t you just let things happen organically? Look, I HATED when Reigns would get booed as badly as he did, but it’s BS to cover up crowd reactions [unless they’re chanting CM Punk or Rusev Day or some shit]. Why even have crowd mics at that point? Or crowds? “We’ll take your money but if you don’t cheer for who we want you to and boo who we want you too, we’ll censure you.”

 

SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP LAST WOMAN STANDING MATCH: CHARLOTTE FLAIR VS. BECKY LYNCH (c)

The evolution crowd put the Becky boo conspiracy to bed immediately. WWE piping the boos into the video package make me think they’re going to take the title from Becky tonight. One listen to the crowd tells you all you need to know about how that will go over. I don’t hear Cole or anybody acknowledging the crowd chants, and I doubt they will.

Terrific start helped by a hot crowd. At last at the beginning, they’re not pacing themselves. Becky finds a kendo stick that somebody absent-mindedly left under the ring, and beats the tits off Charlotte. The crowd wants tables. Both competitors fill the ring with chairs. BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP, KING! Speaking of counting to ten, I’m counting at least that many chairs in the ring.

Charlotte gets the table, and also a flying forearm to the face. Becky gets in the first chair shots of the match, and Charlotte is in big trouble. The crowd chants “You deserve it!” Probably not fair to Charlotte, but people just really want to affirm their allegiance to Becky. OW BECKY THREW CHARLOTTE BACK FIRST ONTO THE CHAIRS! FUCK that hurt me. I had back surgery six months ago, so I know back pain. OMG Becky gets suplexed on her NECK on the chairs. What the FUCK?! I know they practice this stuff and how to do it as safely as possible, but holy hell.

Becky stands up at eight and recovers enough to kick Charlotte off the apron and set up a table in the ring. Becky with a ROCK BOTTOM on Charlotte onto the pile of chairs. Shit man, this is too much. Becky sets Charlotte up on the table and goes top rope… Charlotte gets up and knocks Becky off the top as the crowd boos heavily. Now it’s Charlotte setting up Becky on the table. Charlotte tries to moonsault Becky through the table, but misjudges the distance and they roll off the side. She goes for it again, let’s hope they don’t fuck it up this time. This time it’s a Swanton Bomb and this time the table breaks.

It’s still not enough for a 10 count, and Charlotte gets a ladder. The ring is strewn with a table, a ladder, and chairs. Oh my. Becky body slams Charlotte onto the ladder. I can’t imagine how much pain these two are gonna be in after this. Charlotte looks like she’s going to try to do the figure four through the ladder, but can’t figure out a way to do it, so just starts stomping on Becky’s leg. NOW she’s got it figured out, and it’s a Figure Eight through the ladder! Becky is tapping out but there’s no submissions! She is able to reach a chair and smashes it into Charlotte’s shin. Holy shit how is Becky gonna stand after that? She rolls to her feet on the outside to save her title.

Becky throws Charlotte into the ring post and tries to leave through the crowd. Charlotte has none of it. Renee Young bashes Becky’s turn on Charlotte, and still no acknowledgement of the crowd reactions. Charlotte sets up a ladder near the announce table, and Becky smashes Charlotte in the face with the title, yelling “that’s the only you’re gonna get my title!”

Becky puts Charlotte on the announce table and climbs the ladder! DO IT! DO IT! LEG DROP OFF THE LADDER THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! FUCK YES! NOBODY is getting up. Becky stirs, it’s seven! Eight! Nine! Charlotte says that’s all you’ve got? Becky attacks again! Piles the announcers chairs on her! Steel chairs on top of that! Broken table on top! The ref finally starts a count. The pile starts to move at 7…SHE GETS UP AT 10! Becky cannot believe it and is terrified. Charlotte absolutely unloads with a kendo stick. SPEAR by Charlotte! They are both down and we all get a chance to breathe. HOLY SHIT!

Charlotte sets up a table on the outside, and Becky is a rag doll right now. Becky is on a table on the outside, and I know what Charlotte is doing. Moonsault spot again. From the top turnbuckle. BECKY IS UP! SHE POWER BOMBS CHARLOTTE THROUGH THE TABLE! HOLY SHIT! I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING! The crowd goes INSANE! Charlotte just got power bombed from the top turnbuckle through a table to the floor. She is almost up at nine… SHE FALLS! BECKY RETAINS! With all due respect to Bayley and Sasha Banks, there is a new bar for women’s matches.

Match Rating: The Rare 20 Gold Medals

 

RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: NIKKI BELLA w/BRIE BELLA VS. RONDA ROUSEY (c)

Ronda is toying with Nikki. It isn’t smart because she’s outnumbered. I love Beth Phoenix’s assessment: “She’s literally using Nikki Bella as a puppet.” And now of course the numbers game comes into play. FUCK THESE SHIT HEADS! GO AWAY! I’ll never understand when one wrestler KNOWS their opponent is gonna have someone in their corner, why that wrestler would come out alone. Obviously we’re suspending reality here but come on, get logical.

I really wanna see both butthole twins get their arms broken tonight. Nikki sits in an abdominal stretch like a DNB, and Rousey FINALLY breaks the hold. I’ll give Nikki credit for a nice springboard kick to the face, and also for making me so anxious and emotional for a Ronda comeback. Why there are dueling chants is beyond me. It goes to show if you give anybody a TV show, they will at least appeal to the lowest common denominator.

Ronda misses a top rope splash after jumping halfway across the ring. Ronda hits the Death Valley Driver/Samoan Drop on BOTH Bellas! Damn, how strong is she?!? Now Ronda isn’t fucking around and goes back to what she knows. Standing strikes, ground and pound, hip throws, VINTAGE ROUSEY! Brie hits Ronda, and then gets thrown over the announce table. That gets an appropriate YES! chant. Nikki with an Alabama Slam for a two count. Nikki hits the Rack Attack! Ronda kicks out at two and I almost shit. Your favorite blog might have been discontinued after that.

Ronda hit a small package bomb from the top rope, ARM BAR! NIKKI TAPS! RONDA WINS! As if it were ever in doubt. I’ll admit those buttholes made it a more compelling match than it should have been. But now go away, and please don’t come back.

Match Rating: Eight Gold Medals

 

To be honest, I did not think this show was going to be that great. A lot of that is due to the shitty build of most matches. But this absolutely blew me away. And I don’t mean because I didn’t have high expectations, or because it was good for an all-women’s show. I have rarely been this entertained and this thrilled and taken in by an event. And Ronda celebrating with the entire women’s locker room at the top of the ramp after was the perfect image to end the show. I can’t wait to watch this show again.

Overall Show Rating: Ten Gold Medals